Always Crying and Always Eating

My students are very confused why at the ripe age of 25 I don't have any children. My response is always, "I have 100 kids! YOU guys!!!" Some laugh but some still look at me with sad eyes like they feel sorry for me or something. I have some students that are very fixated on my personal life and always prying for more information. When I told them my boyfriend and I don't live together, they looked at me like I had two heads. Anyway, for whatever reason my students are really rushing me to have babies.

One day, one of my fav snitches reported to me that there was a rumor going around that I was pregnant because I am "always crying and always eating." I felt the need to address this (which was such a rookie mistake) and, well, whatever I said to squash that rumor somehow left them with the impression that I am a virgin. So now there is a new rumor that I am a virgin, and I'm just not even going to go there. 

Looking back, the evidence is clear. Here are three instances that come to mind...

1. A boy said to me "Don't cry...but I did my homework and I showed all my work on a separate sheet of paper." And I seriously could not hold it together. 

2. I frequently carry a jar of peanut butter around and spoon feed it to myself as I pass through the isles of desks when I check their homework. I usually have music on and kind of prance while I chew. 

3. This happened:

Me: "Class, I have some really exciting news!" (...I started choking up)

Student: "OH MY GAWD YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!"

Me: "NO! ...You all got above a 70 on the quiz." 

I love my students so much that even thinking about how much I'd love my own child is absolutely terrifying. ALSO I am only a little terrified for myself (and future spouse) for when the day comes (Lord willing) that I am actually pregnant, because I already act so pregnant!!! But my students will be rejoicing, for sure.